I feel (not so) good...

I SoOoOo low in morale...

Have a strong sense of "du-lan" to the extend of a lost of direction...
This has been affect my day to day performance... knowing this had been trying to resolve this...

After much understanding, I'd realised that my "du-lan-ness" was and is due to the prolong and perpetual period of being taken for granted... in all aspects of life...

People who know me will know I tend to be taken advantage and I'm okay with that...
However, I realised that when putting much efforts to be "taken advantage", I really expect some form of appreciation...

An example will be my efforts to innovate and better cross department workflow...
As I'm falling sick lately, I'd requested support to be given and started pushing back to the individual department... since I'd already established a comprehensive process...
Yet, it back fire on me... turn out this IS part of my work... crazy.. when the freaking head of department don't even remember who am I...
Am I that dumb?

The same goes for the relocation / promotion / salary revision that was promise that never happened...

Many other things, other than work, like organising holiday trip or gathering etc...
Just felt very imbalance to see how much I'd put in when others don't...
Even worst, they don't even care... when confronted... it seems to had became my JOB...

Why am I making so much efforts and energy into what seems my JOB (actually not) and losing my own stuffs?
How can I balance my life, wants & desires, people I care & work?
My work is still my pride, friends & family is what I hold close... but are they worth my suffering???

New Hair Cut

Not really new hair cut but lazy to post it... :)

Loans...

I'm so surprised...
I thought HE will be back on track after the $ I'd "loan" him...

Sad to say, there are just jerks around who will never learnt...
Wasting all the money on girls...

I give up... no chance of getting the money back...
I should had jolly well spend it on girls myself~!

crazy... life is so funny... i work hard and yet... sighz!

Keeping my faith strong...

Feeling low...

Feeling really low... in many ways...

Still haven't fully recover from my illness and the fact that my relocation plans were placed on hold...

Now, I'm feeling the $ crush... low in cashflow...
Spend a bucket for the coming Taiwan-Taipei and another loan package for a "fren" (SW).
Needless to say, I'm still pretty low from high expenditure on October...

:<

When will I reach rock bottom? I need to rebounce soon..

Updates....

It's been awhile...
Things had been crazy...

Rouhui got married...
Mark is getting married and moving to the states...
Towliang is still puhsing for his relocation...
Ann Zai change gf again to the point i dunno who is who...
Ming just bought his swift sports and working on his modifications now...
Song is happy and selling rice @ golden shoe market...
Desmond is selling wantan mee @ golen shoe market...

So many things so little time to update...

Anyway for me.. I'm sick... just went back to army yesterday to get downgrade...
sighzZz

Relocation

The thought of relocation has been in the air for awhile now...
Things aren't looking good since they can't really pay as well due to the economy down turn back in the US...

Still, I'd more or less decision to leave SG...

The thought process was simple for me...
It isn't why I should go but more of why should I stay...

I'd realised that there is little or nothing much holding me back in Singapore...
This finding is actually pretty disturbing to me...
Maybe I'm becoming more transnational or just maybe I don't have a life...

Either way, this isn't what I'd planned for myself...
Just wondering where did I made a wrong turn...

Wank Bang...

Went to do some banking at JEC yesterday noon and was rather disturb with what I saw...
Felt really weak while I was driving towards Bt Timah for pool... of coz, I got involved (again) in an accident... which is my fault...

Still i managed to reach Bt Timah and "enjoy" my pool game...

Things are just not turning up well for me...
I'm really tired...

Meeting the team

Went for the global summit and finally had the chance to meet the whole team...

I really enjoyed myself , specially all the cross geo and specialisation sharing had given me tons of take-aways...

Most of the team members were so eager to learn (maybe to impressed) has rekindle my passionate of my work...

Throughout the summit I made great efforts to interact and learn from everyone... sharing my experiences...

Eventually, I had an additional take-away from the organiser; Sliver Contributor of the Summit 2008

Thank you all... the fun... the lessons... the chance... the experiences

... ... too bad this should be the last one for me...

My India Trip

Just back from India...
Heard so many things bad about India... still I was pretty comfortable there...

I'd enjoyed my time and truly felt appreciated...

The best feelings in the world, for me, is being able to help others who appreciates your assistance...

Went visiting Taj... It's really a great work on mankind...
An idealistic design with the help of a country's efforts over 22 years...
The feelings were mixed between being envy of the love the king had and reminded the harsh fact of life of the king...

I'll work my best to assist India Portfolio to excel other portfolio...

Cashflow Problem

Never tot I'll be having such issue...
Cash Issue...

Had been rather below the water lately... started spending money without control...
thinking that this could actually make me feel better...

Maybe for a couple of hours, and back feeling meaningless... eventually when all the cash flow had been dried out... I felt worst...

Using cash as a form of mood treatment can never work unless you have an endless source of wealth... ... ...

Nearer to my Bday and my dayz are getting darker and darker...

It's been awhile since I'd updated...
Reason being, as always, I was so packed with work and catching up my personal stuffs...
This time round, I was pretty sick too... had the most injections ever within a couple of days...
Things are looking bright for me... need to better look after myself...

Atypical moi, my statements bares hidden meanings... I heading India right after my birthday for business and a day of Taj...
Excited but moody, I guess...